It was a time of decision.  After months of intense internal struggle, it was decision time.  Would it be the right decision?  Could it be the wrong decision?  I did not know.  But I knew that it was decision time.

            I stood in the Well of the Alabama State Senate.  Faya Rose stood beside me.  I did not know how I would decide even as I stood.  I did not know what to say or do.  I just knew it was decision time. 

            I had set the press conference to force myself to a decision.  I had struggled for months trying to make a decision.  Sometimes I had struggled with myself so intensely I brought on a depression.  Should I not run for anything?  Should I run again for the Alabama Senate?  Should I run for U. S. Congress?  Should I run for the State line?  I leaned toward not running for anything but I did not know the answer even at this late hour.  I just knew it was decision time.

            As I stood at the podium, I looked around the crowded Senate Chambers.  People – White and Black, male and female, young and not so young, people in government and everyday citizens – had just shown up.  There was no attempt to mobilize people to come.  A compounded spirit – a mixture of hope and fear, anticipation and reluctance, acceptance and determination – pervaded the Chambers.  However, the foundation undergirding all was the spirit of love and respect.  I felt every spirit.

            I had not prepared any remarks for this occasion:  no written statement, no press release, no outline, no notes, no anything.  I had considered writing two press releases; one stating that I would not run again and one that I would run again.  However, I had not been able to even pick up the pen to write.

            As I stood there preparing to talk, I really wanted to pray but I shied away thinking it might be too out of place.  Instead, I recited the prayer that I try to begin each day with.  I call it the Servant’s Prayer.  Others call it the Vessel Prayer.  In my heart, it was still a prayer even though I did not pray it, I just said it.

            I openly confessed my intense struggle. I revealed that my wife did not know my decision because I did not know it.  But I knew it was decision time.

            I talked about how my logic and reason said that I should run but my spirit was not aligned with that logic and reason.  At one point during my remarks I almost said that I would not run again but I shied away, waiting on the spirit.  I waited but it was decision time.

            I talked about how my law partner tricked me into running for the Alabama State Senate twenty eight years ago.  He had asked me to pray about running after I had twice refused. When I agreed to pray, he had Black Belt leaders to call or come by to say that they had “a feeling” that I should run.  When I found out after I had filed to run and time to qualify had closed, I confronted him but he claimed that God was working through him. 

I was reminded that my logic and reason were strongly aligned with my spirit against running when I first ran those many years ago.  Yet, I ran and served for nearly 27 years.  It turned out to be my mission even though I had fought so determinedly against it.  But now it was decision time again.

            As I stood, I talked about a close friend who called and preached a 33 minute sermon about why I had to run.  She said that I should not worry about my spirit because the spirit was coming through the people.  All I had to do was follow the people’s spirit.  To her it was as clear as day but I could not see it. 

As I stood, I said that since I could not decide between my logic and reason and my spirit, I was moving on the people’s spirit.  I decided at that moment, saying that the people wanted me to serve a little while longer so I would run again to serve a little longer.  People started clapping.  I felt a great weight lifting off me. 

            I did not perceive the intensity of my emotions.  When one reporter asked me what my mother would say at this moment, I felt the tears welling up and the sobs rising up as I tried to answer.  I fought back the tears and the sobs but lost the fight.  I was crying as I stood before this crowd of people.  When I could control my voice, I said I was not ashamed of crying.  I was not crying because of sadness but because of overcoming.  I later learned that many others had already cried.  As one person said, “Your crying was just catching up with our crying.”  I could truly feel the spirit at work.  But it was the people’s spirit that I felt and connected to and moved on  as I stood at decision time.

            Now on to the Daily Diary.

            Saturday – I was still in Biloxi, MS celebrating 40 years of marriage to Faya Rose Toure.  I did not take any phone calls.  We stayed in bed until after 10 a.m.  Neither of us could remember staying in bed that late during our lifetime.  We went to breakfast and then to see the movie, Book of Eli.  It was powerful.  I even went shopping with Faya Rose (for a little while).  Then I went back to the hotel and just relaxed as she shopped some more.

            Sunday – We arose early and by 5:15 a.m. were on the road to Selma.  I did Radio Sunday School with Dr. Margaret Hardy, Radio Education with Perry County School Superintendent John Heard, and Sunday Review.  I participated in Sunday School and in two Black Farmer conference calls.  I shared Sunday Dinner with Fannie and Bobby McKenzie and took time to watch parts of the National Football League Conference Playoffs.  I met with Josephine Curtis over campaign expenditures and attended a meeting with Dr. Lorraine Monroe and Dr. Lonetta Gaines of the Monroe Institute, and five school superintendents (Dr. Daniel Boyd of Lowndes County; Dr. Rosie Shamburger of Wilcox County; John Heard of Perry County; Dr. Austin Obasohan of Selma City; and Isaac Atkins of Greene County).  I worked into the night on Sketches and other items.

            Monday – I was at my office by 5 a.m. working on various issues and traveled to Atmore where I talked with Patrick J. Ballard of Birmingham.  I returned to Selma and worked on various matters.  I traveled on to Lowndes County where I talked with Commissioners Charlie King, Dixon Farrior, and Joey Bargainer. 

            Tuesday – I finished Sketches and was interviewed by Reporter George McDonald of Channel 8 Television Station before traveling to Montgomery for the following meetings:  Democratic and Republican Senate Leaders; House and Senate Leaders; Senate Democratic Caucus; press conference; Joint Session of the Alabama Legislature for Chief Justice Sue Bell Cobb’s State of the Judiciary; Senate Session; and Birthday Event for Senator Vivian Davis Figures, Senator Linda Coleman, Joyce Bigbee of the Legislative Fiscal Office (LFO), and Senator Harri Anne Smith.  I talked with the following:  Reporter Eileen Jones of Channel 12 TV News; Phil Rawls of the Associated Press; House General Fund Budget Chair Representative John Knight; House Speaker Seth Hammett; Senate President Pro Tem Rodger Smitherman; House Education Budget Chair Representative Richard Lindsey; Senator Bobby Denton; Senator Quinton Ross; Congressional Candidate Terri Sewell; Della Bryant of the NAACP; Greene County Probate Judge Earlene Isaac; Ron Jones of the Department of Public Examiners; Sharon Wheeler of the Ron Sparks Gubernatorial Campaign;  Lobbyists Greg Jones and Clayton M. Ryan; House Speaker Pro Tem Demetrius Newton; and Media Consultant Rick Dent.  After the birthday event, I returned to Selma.

            Wednesday – I traveled to Montgomery for a press conference about whether to run again for the Alabama Senate.  I also talked with the following:  Emily Diggs of Selma; Dr. Carol P. Zippert of the Greene County Democrat; Judge John England of Tuscaloosa; Norris Greene of LFO; Representative Chris England; Roger and Dr. Roberta Watts of Gadsden; Laddi Jones of the Greene County Democrat; Lobbyist Quinton Riggins; Dr. James Mitchell of Wallace Community (WCCS); Alabama New South Coalition (ANSC) Leaders Robert Avery, Judy Collins, Barbara Pitts, Matilda Woodyard Hamilton, and Shelley Fearson; Emily Law of the Black Belt Action Commission (BBAC); Earl Frank of CLAS; Ray Crosby of the Legislative Reference Service (LRS); Dr. Joe Reed of the Alabama Democratic Conference (ADC);  former Lieutenant Governor George McMillan; Selma City Schools Superintendent Dr. Austin Obasohan; Susan Kennedy of the Alabama Association School Boards (AASB); State School Superintendent Dr. Joe Morton; and Monroe County Probate Judge Greg Norris.  I shared lunch with Lobbyists John and Tammy Teague and several senators.  I handled many matters before returning to Selma to work.

            Thursday – I returned to Montgomery for a Constitution and Elections Committee meeting and a Senate Session.  I began writing Sketches and talked with the following:  Senator Lowell Barron; Lobbyist Freddie Patterson; Sally Howell of AASB; Representative Yusuf Salaam; Ginger Avery Buckner of the Alabama Association For Justice; Teresa Burroughs of Hale County; Reporter Dave White of the Birmingham News; ANSC member Robert Turner of Bullock/Macon Counties; Senator Lowell Barron; Sharon Calhoun of Montgomery; Consultant Paul Hamrick; and Darrio Melton of Selma.  I left Montgomery, drove to Eutaw where I met with Dr. Carol P. Zippert at the Greene County Democrat before talking with Greene County School Board Members Lester Brown and Elzora Fluker.  I returned to Selma.

            Friday – I participated in a breakfast meeting concerning the Bridge Crossing Jubilee and worked on Sketches.  I participated in an industry announcement where I made remarks and talked with the following:  Governor Bob Riley; Selma Mayor George Evans; Dallas County Probate Judge Kim Ballard; Selma Businessman Jim Hodo; Margaret Bentley and Alesia Summerville of Alabama Power Company; District Attorney Michael Jackson; Wayne Vardaman of the Selma Centre for Commerce; Brenda Tuck of Alford and Associates; and Tammy Maul of Congressman Artur Davis Office.  I also talked with the following:  Rita Lett and Dr. James Mitchell of WCCS; Ola Morrow of Maplesville; Ginger Avery Buckner; Congressman Artur Davis; Ken Hooks of Birmingham; and Lila Watson of Birmingham.  I also traveled to Birmingham for the Alabama Association of Justice Mid-Winter Conference.

            EPILOGUE - - We never know for sure whether we made the right decision.  We do know how the decision we made turned out.  But we don’t know how the decision we did not make would have turned out.  We just have to embrace whatever decision we make.  I am embracing my decision.